Christian Life: The begininng of my spiritual journey

I realized the other day that despite all my years in online writing, I've never put together my full "testimony" online, especially because this is probably the most important story of my life... and for any other Christians out there reading this, I encourage you to do the same. We're all called to share about how God has influenced and changed our lives, because it's a powerful thing (Rev. 12:11) and it's something we should always be doing (Acts 1:8).

And for you reading out there who don't know what a testimony is? It's basically a declaration of faith, the process of bearing witness or even just plain telling a story. When most Christians talk about it, they're referring to what their life was like before knowing Christ, how they came to know him, and how he's changed their life since.

Yes, it's pretty heady stuff.

So where do I begin?

Part one.

When I was very, very young, my parents used to take our family camping at the Sandbanks park near Picton, Ontario, which rests on West Lake. To get there, we would pack up our things Friday nights in the family Astro minivan, spend our weekend getting sand all over the trailer, then drive back home across Prince Edward County ("The County") Sunday night. One of those weird things I remember is the way that the light from the sunset would stream into the back of the van, all orange and red... light, but somehow very dark. And for some reason, those moments were bittersweet. At that young age, I think I was acutely aware of my own mortality, because I would feel a sense of dread and anxiety in that sunset, like an irrational fear of death and the unknown. (I still struggle sometimes to overcome that feeling).

I'm not exactly sure of the timeline here, but I'm still going to say while I was still very young, I remember having church as a presence in my life. My parents used to bring me to a nearby church, I believe Anglican or United, and I remember taking part in Sunday school classes.

I also remember doing a summer bible camp one year, held on the front yard of a neighbor's house just a few doors down from mine on Maitland Drive in Belleville. I even remember going through the process of being "saved," through the illustration of various colours of construction paper... black as the sin in my life, red as the blood of Jesus, snow white as the clean slate he's given us, and gold for the treasures we have in heaven.

I remember praying with my mother, and seeing a little wood panel on the wall of a little boy kneeling by his bedside.

Part two.

At some point our family stopped going to church regularly. Maybe it had something to do with the deluge of hockey practices or being too busy... I've never really asked my parents why we started to go, so I guess it makes sense that I never asked why we stopped. We still went to the occassional mass downtown at Catholic church, but in general, that was it.

Part three.

When I was a teenager, I began to feel the call towards a spiritual awakening. Maybe it was arguing about atheism and relative morality on early electronic BBS message boards, or it could have been my newfound interest in Zen Buddhism. (Funny story: I once played a single note on the electric guitar for one hour at my guitar teacher's instruction in order to learn vibrato... it was probably my only attempt at meditation). I read some books about Zen Buddhism... while interesting philosophically, it left me feeling hollow.

While this search was going on, I began talking about Jesus with a bunch of my friends from high school, arguing with them about things that I really didn't know about. But in my search, I still wanted to give their Christianity a fair shake. My first exposure was at one of their youth group's coffee houses (a popular type event in Bellevegas). I was even invited to perform!

The coffee house was held in the basement of a church called "Parkdale Baptist," by their youth group called "Beyond Existence," led by a staff of young adults from the church and a youth pastor named Terry Willows. I met a whole bunch of new people that seemed really cool, and they invited me to come and check out one of their Wednesday night meetings.

I eventually did, and they weren't any different than what you would consider your usual youth group service... there was prayer, some worship and preaching from Terry. Looking back, Terry was a very gifted speaker, who had a level of enthusiasm for talking about Jesus that teenagers could connect with... he was also genuinely interested in engaging young people, asking them questions and trying to find thoughtful answers for theirs.

Over the following months I kept going to "Beyond Existence," drawn in by the poetry of their worship music and the profound teachings from the bible, and even making more friends, better friends, with people I'd known from school. Terry took me out for lunch a couple times, and we'd have long talks about Jesus, answering any question I had. But for me, I still felt distant to the religion itself... I didn't feel convicted to give my heart to Jesus, because I still wasn't even really sure that there was a God.

Part four.

For some reason, this is the part I'm always a little shy about sharing, but in retrospect, this is how it happened, this is the path of events God chose for me, and you can't change the past anyways. So here goes.

Before I was born, my parents had a giant Saint Bernard, but I don't actually have any memories of that dog. However, when I was young, we ended up getting my first dog: A purebred English Bulldog named Ruby, for her dark red fur. She was a special addition to our family; everyone loved her and brought joy to everyone who laid eyes on her. I even remembered the way she would get so excited to see somebody, wagging her whole body back and forth instead of just her stumpy little tail.

After I was going to "Beyond Existence" for about six months, our dog Ruby became very ill, and developed a troubling protrusion from her rear end. It was a hard time for our family: everyone was rocked by her illness and were broken up by their inability to do anything about it. We all cried as it appeared that she might have to be put down.

On one of the last nights we would have her, I took her for a walk through the woods behind our house. It was in the middle of winter, and the night was clear, so you could see all the stars shining in the sky. While I was walking Ruby for what was likely the last time, I looked up at those stars, and I was immediately struck by an intense feeling I'd ever known before. I felt God's presence descend upon me and comfort me in a way that I'd never felt before from another person... it was "divine revelation" and in that moment I was totally aware of God, I was totally aware of Jesus and I was totally aware of the Holy Spirit. That second I understood immediately what Jesus had done for me; sacrificed his own life to overcome death, so that we may one day we may be reborn in heaven.

The next morning, I remember it was a weekday, I went to the sanctuary at Parkdale Baptist by myself, not really sure of what to do next, but just feeling like I had to meet God there and speak to him one on one. I sat down in one of the chairs by myself, and prayed the prayer of confession and acceptance like I heard countless times before. Before I got up to leave, Terry, who happened to be in the office at the time, came out and I told him the good news. My friends were equally excited to hear about what happened, and it will always been one of the most peaceful, happiest, freeing moments of my life.

As for Ruby? Instead of putting her down, the vet tried a different operation instead, and she survived. We enjoyed many more happy days with that dog. It was a miracle.

Part five.

Since I came to know Jesus as my personal Lord and Saviour, he's been my rock, my salvation, my support and my healer. I've experienced many ups and downs on my spiritual journey, but through everything I face, I will always know that there is a divine plan for my life, one that I trust God has laid out for me. I believe the Holy Spirit dwells within me, and it helps me as I try to become a better person and perfect my faults, through the teachings of Jesus and his disciples. And yes, I still have a long, long, long way to go on that last one.

These days I'm currently involved with a church in downtown Toronto called Grace Toronto. We have bible studies and meet together Sunday mornings and evenings, and if you'd like to find out more, feel free to contact myself or anyone listed on the church's website.

If you want to find out more about how you can know Jesus, and know God through the Holy Spirit, you can read more here on the Grace Toronto website, or you can look through this short pamphlet (now flash-ized) online here, called "The Four Spiritual Laws." (I can fully vouch for this tract, which has been historically used by the Campus for Christ movement for years... it's all Biblically sound, and applicable across all denominations, both Catholic and Protestant.) Of course, you can always get in contact with me and I'll be more than happy to talk about it with you.